Parenting tips for the 2025 Back to School Season

School is back in session

It is that time of year again! School is about to start. This time of year brings up feelings of excitement and anxiety for kids and parents alike. It is normal for all members of the family to feel some level of anxiety when going through big transitions such as the start of a new school year. Anxiety is a normal emotion to experience when starting something new. As parents, we can help support our kids through these feelings of anxiety.

Regulation starts with you

An important step in helping your child to manage their feelings is for their caregivers to manage their feelings! An anxious parent equals an anxious kid. But an anxious kid does not have to equal an anxious parent. Kids are still learning how to manage big feelings and not let them overwhelm them. It is our job as adults to avoid escalating or matching our child’s emotions but rather to help de-escalate and manage their feelings through coregulation skills. These skills might include physical touch such as hugs and cuddles or validating and empowering words such as “It makes sense that you feel nervous for your first day of school AND I have seen how brave you were when you went to gymnastics for the first time. You got this”. In order to regulate or calm down your child, you as the adult must first regulate your own feelings. Take a break, tag in another caregiver, take some deep breaths. Taking a moment to calm yourself down will be so helpful for you and your child’s ability to handle big stressful moments.  

Validate don't over accommodate

The Accommodation Cycle

It is so natural as a parent to want to “fix” or “get rid of” your kids' anxiety related to school. You may have heard yourself saying things to your kids such as “Everything is going to be fine” and “There is nothing to be worried about” when they express feeling worried about school. These statements are meant to comfort your child, but they may leave your child feeling invalidated and confused by their very normal feelings of anxiety. At the same time, it is important to not overly indulge your child's anxiety by being overly accommodating to the feelings of anxiety. Examples of this would be staying in the classroom with your child after school has started or allowing your child to avoid school or be late. 

Teach your child they can be brave and scared at the same time

When it comes to anxiety, the goal is to find the sweet spot between support and accommodation. For example, it is appropriate to walk your child into school on the first day or even during the first week of school. It is beneficial for you to ensure that your child makes it to their classroom, knows how to get there, and knows their teacher and peers. However, as time goes on, it is appropriate to hug and kiss your child outside of school and encourage them to walk to their classroom by themselves like their peers are doing. This encourages them to feel independent and capable! Your child may feel most comfortable with you walking them to the classroom. But we can teach them that they are capable of doing it all on their own. Helpful statements to encourage brave behavior when walking into school alone might include “I love you and cant wait to hear about your day when I pick you up. I know you can get to your classroom all by yourself this morning” or “You were so brave yesterday walking into school by yourself….I know you can do it again today”. 

Summary

As parents, you DO have the ability to set your kids up for success as they return to school! Finding that balance between being supportive and being accommodating will help your child to thrive in the school environment. Here is a review of the tips to implement to help support your child through the school transition.

1. Regulate yourself first before helping your child to regulate. A calm adult is a calm kid.

2. Remind your child that they can be brave and scared at the same time

3. Remind your child of their past success and encourage them that they can do those things again

4. Encourage your child to express their feelings using their words 

5. Collaborate with your child to practice coping skills to manage tough feelings such as anxiety

6. Normalize that everybody feels these feelings and they can get through them